In psych we learned about how our unconscious mind tells us a lot about I guess things that are going on within us or things that concern us or people that we care about or certain desires that we have that we are not openly or consciously aware of. And how a lot of times our unconscious mind sort of tries out scenarios in our dreams of pursuing certain desires and the like as a way for us to decide what sort of path to take in real life.

So I don’t know. Last night I dreamt about a certain person. I don’t know why. I guess that it’s just that occasionally I get nostalgic about certain feelings. Or maybe the idealized way that I saw that person, that sort of image is still ingrained deeply in me somehow. Maybe I’ll never stop seeing that person this way. I don’t know, sometimes feeling this way (like that person still matters, at least a tiny bit) makes me feel like a giant loser. But sometimes I reason that what I feel is completely justified and that there’s more going on than what meets the public eye. But I don’t know, maybe I’m just deluded and maybe any other person wouldn’t have even created this entire situation in the first place.

I guess in my dream I was hoping that this person would give me a chance. Or not necessarily that, but in my dream its like I was waiting for something that was unspoken but definitely there to be brought out into the open by someone brave enough to do so. And when I woke up to my alarm, it was the first time in such a long time that I wanted to go back into the dream, to force it all into a resolution.

I feel like maybe there won’t be a nice, clean cut resolution to this situation. Maybe in a few years I’ll see it all as nothing and this person will become insignificant. Maybe I will forget their name. I just wish that everyone else had seen what I saw. And that this person could realize or know how unfair they were to me.